what have i done to accrue such bad computing karma?

So i finally got my sick desktop back. I went to go set it up, thinking it'd just take an hour or so.

Mistake #1.

10 PM. Plug it in, boot it up, install that RPC patch. Note this was the first thing I did.
The CD instructs me to reboot and run Windows Update. Which I do, since there's another RPC patch I need. Only trouble is there are like 25 MB of "critical" updates I need for this machine. Which, of course, I download like a good little Microsoft lemming.

It also turns out I need to activate Windows. Fine, I muse, as the updates download. Mistake #2. So I painstakingly key in that ghastly 30-character product key, only to be rejected. I need Microsoft's explicit permission to use Windows. So I call and start reading off an even longer 45-digit number over a cell phone. Mistake #3. The automated voice couldn't understand me so I eventually start typing in numbers the old-fashioned way. I finally get them all in when the voice decides to disconnect me, as if to spite me for not wanting to talk to it.

When I finally get a human to talk to I got the third degree, since this being my second activation in the past month, it looked as if I either got my kicks by installing Windows or was pirating Windows on three machines. I'm reminded why I never bought Office XP (or 2000, for that matter...) Eventually, Microsoft bestows on me the privilege of running Windows by giving me another 30-digit code to enter. I finally reboot. Everything's happy. I even download a firewall and antivirus software to complete my newfound sense of security. Mistake #4.

All of a sudden my Internet connection dies. Sort of. OK, I figure, as a seasoned Windows user, I'll just restart. Mistake #5. Windows doesn't want to reboot completely. So I start freaking out in my sleep-deprived state, suspecting this has something to do with that RPC vulnerability. I shut down the computer and start hunting around for an antivirus disc to boot from, which gives me a clean bill of health. E-mail sent to RCC at 1 AM reporting suspiciousness.

Next I wanted to determine that it wasn't Windows screwing up. So I boot into Linux (off a CD, since the people who fixed my computer decided I wouldn't need the Linux that was on my hard drive and conveniently obliterated it for me), to find, lo and behold, that I can't connect from there either.

Eventually I discovered that I can boot...every 3rd or 4th try. And I eventually found out the reason why this minty-fresh Windows install is flaking out is that it can't connect to some important server. And the reason it can't connect is I've been blackholed. (Nice of them to tell me... eventually I was moaning to Jim, an RCC from outside Potter, who tipped me off to this underhanded practice.)

Yes, me, the innocent CS major who installed all the patches, and even firewalled off the RPC ports to make sure, got blackholed. See, during my half-hour Microsoft lovefest with Windows Update and Product Activation, ITSS port-scanned me and discovered one of the holes hadn't been patched yet. So they put me on the blacklist--even though I closed off that port entirely afterwards. It seems I fixed the problem too well with my firewall.

So now it's 2 AM and I'm sitting here, grumpily listening to 98 Degrees from "Benny-pod" because iTunes is the only Internet app that still works. (Clearly our priorities are in line.) I'm waiting for ITSS to scan my system through the little back door I left for them. But even though it took them only half an hour to block my system they report it may take 25 hours for them to unblock it.

If this is what I'm like on 5 hours of sleep this week is going to be very interesting...

Word...

Courtesy of Yune: The End of the World! Why I find this amusing I don't know... perhaps because it's at least as plausible as the last Matrix movie...

Maybe this election will be fun too...

The Democratic primary's shaping up to be as amusing as the 2000 election... the debate in Detroit was getting to SNL-grade material

GOOD DAY

Attn my friend,
With due respect and huminity I propose this to you. I wrote to you last time no response and I decided to write you again.

Now that my filter catches messages like this, it's easy to miss how amusing spam can be. Just think of all the opportunities I'm missing out, like this "businness proposal" to get access to the funds in a mysterious Benin bank. I've heard all about how I can Get 12 CDs for the Price of 1!, just about every Home Business Opportunity, or how Wk can make it longkr (damn those scientists for discovering people can dkciphir silgthly gorbled werds... now every spammer's doing it). But the conversational tone of this guy struck me as nice...and it almost fooled my spam filter.

The spammiest word in the entire message? Letter, whose presence my filter says indicates a 96% chance of being spam. Isn't that sad? Apparently the whole notion of letter-writing has vanished from my contacts' e-mail vocabulary... Other particularly spammy words: discovery, respect, and verification. Now what does that say about how academic my e-mail is?

Looking for the perfect woman?

Why bother with degrading beauty pageants, wasting your time on humans, when you can drool over virtual women instead? Before you think this might just be some unprincipled shallow competition for male computer geeks who need to get out more, consider the stringent criteria for virtual models:

"They should not have taken part -- not even as extras or cameos -- in pornographic films, shows or plays nor have made statements ... in any way out of tune with the moral spirit of the competition."

Thank you for the interview

Thank you so much for taking the time to interview with me yesterday. I enjoyed the opportunity to meet you and your colleagues, as well as visit your worksite. I was impressed with the quality of the facilities and the overall attitude of the employees.

After speaking with you, I am even more enthusiastic about the opportunity of working as a code monkey. Though I have enjoyed my previous experience as a student researcher, the workload of current projects and the non-stop, high-stress philosophy of the design teams you described offer an exciting new dimension in software engineering for me. I work well in a fast-paced, dark windowless environment, and appreciate the opportunity not only to code but devote my entire day to it from dawn to well after dusk. My experience in CS 221 and 248 exposed me to this "work-life balance", and I feel confident that I can apply that experience to the demands of this position.

Thank you for considering me for the code monkey position. I look forward to hearing from you. Please express my appreciation to your colleagues for leaving their screens to meet with me and share their perspectives. In the meantime, good luck with your weekend coding marathon!

Trick. Or is it treat?

Best thrill of the morning:
Submitting our CS 221 program at 11:59:58 AM, yes, that's right, two seconds before it's due. Talk about pressure... cause unlike every other submit script I had to manually type in everyone's e-mail addresses as the clock was ticking... But thus ends a sleep-depriving chapter of the month.

Best thrill of the night:

The pictures are all up for your viewing pleasure. Operation Haunted Cake was a definite success as we celebrated Cheng's graduation from adolescence. This guy's going to have his masters before he can drink...it seems somehow wrong. I feel like such an underachiever...