The California recall election is heating up. If you're fed up with Governor Davis, you have your choice from any number of qualified candidates, like:

Arnold Schwarzenegger. Movie actor. Pro: No one's better prepared for the imminent rise of the machines. Con: No one can spell his name either.

Larry Flynt. Porn publisher. (Actual quote: "I don't think anyone here will have a problem with a smut peddler as governor.") Pro: An outspoken proponent of...free speech. Proposed a national holiday to pray for the death of rabid Fox News host Bill O'Reilly. Con: Plans to balance the budget with more slot machines. Why? He coincidentally owns a bunch of casinos.

Mary Carey. Porn star. Pro: Might take votes away from Larry. Con: Campaign slogan? "We've had Brown, we've tried Gray, now it's time for some blonde."

And there are about 200 other candidates. Can you get 65 friends' signatures and $3500? You too could run for governor.

Once again I'm reminded of why I don't read American news here.